7.08.2010

when i am on, i am on.  when i am on, i am generally successful in all endeavors, and i feel unstoppable.  my biggest problem is that i love down time.  i fully embrace it, and once i'm in it i never want it to end.  if i am not fully involved with a project, sitting around and doing nothing becomes very appealing to me, and thus i become the opposite of unstoppable.  well, the opposite of unstoppable is stoppable, so i guess i just become stopped, halted, frozen, numbed.  i've been stopped for awhile now.  i'm working quite hard to get the ball rolling again, but it is a very heavy ball, and i am out of shape.  

when i moved here, i had expectations that were not met.  historically, i've always been able to quickly and easily find work.  this was not the case when i came here.  i've had a few insignificant small jobs, but the best thing i can say about all of them is that they were better than nothing.  i never assumed that i would not be able to find a good job doing something interesting, but i underestimated the importance of having the right connections, having a degree other than a bfa, and speaking the dutch language.  the system seems to work a bit differently here, and my stellar recommendations from home seem to be worthless.  in fact, no one ever asks to see them.  as far as art is concerned, my ideas have not been overflowing.  i didn't know what to do for many months.  occasionally i made some attempts, but the results were unremarkable.  lack of meaningful employment coupled with repeated rejections and an artistic block nurtured a feeling of despondency that i haven't felt for many years.  this despondency still has sway over me, but i am fighting.  i must revitalize the juggernaut.    

i'll keep you posted about my progress, and like i said before, i'm going to post some new photos very soon.  very soon.

best,
jim 

p.s.  if you are in ro-town, go look at the olafur eliasson exhibition at the boijmans.  i could sit there and look at it for hours.  seriously.        

1 comment:

sweetmeat said...

Fight fight fight!